Thoughts on Perfectionism in the Midst of Transition
I live life as though it's always opening night. You know... cameras, lights, everybody watching. The night when everybody expects flawless execution of each scene and sits through the experience not knowing how much really went into preparing for that night.
It's pretty ridiculous. And the more I think about it, the more I've come to realize how much perfectionism plays an unwanted role in my life.
I carefully consider every life decision I make, weighing pros and cons, balancing the opinions of people whom I love and respect, reflecting on the risks versus rewards. Sure, on the surface there's nothing wrong with that. This could even be considered mature.
I've come to embrace the fact that I'm not - and will probably never be - an impulsive person. I am fairly risk averse (though I'm learning more and more that I'm not always perceived that way), and I like to think critically about things. Therefore this may always be my default way of making decisions.
But it's not always necessary, and is more often than not rooted in fear.
The reality is that there are times when even the most carefully thought out decision won't be the best one. Or - as is my current situation - the situations you're comparing are apples and oranges, and there is no way to determine if one is better than the other. So at some point you just have to choose without having reached a definitive conclusion about what's best.
If life transitions teach anything, they teach me that life is all one long practice session. I can't possibly get things right on the first try every time. As scary as it feels, it's just not possible for my life to always look or feel like opening night. I'll make bad calls along the way. Sometimes I'll make perfect ones. And sometimes I'll make good calls that lead to really sucky experiences that lead to lots of growth, as was my situation over the last year.
But through it all we keep living and growing. Even thriving.
So I'm working on a life where perfectionism has no place, and I can experience the ins and outs of life without constantly fearing the unknown.